Open Door
by seriousish
Summary: Do not worry, heartbroken Regina, Emma is coming for you with pizza and rom-com analogies!


"You know what? I'm not leaving." That made Regina rear her head up. For the past few minutes, Emma had been on the other side of her door, going on about true love and happy endings and… honestly, she hadn't paid much attention. What did Emma know? When _one _of her true loves died, she had another one waiting to take the slot. Hell, another true love had been turned into a little kid—Regina herself had killed another—Emma had more true loves than Regina had high heels.

"You heard me, I'm not leaving. I am sticking around until you come out and talk to me. I don't even care that there's some ice sorceress going around, creating snow monsters. I'm going to be right here, so the sooner you come out of there, the sooner we can deal with the evil snow as a family."

Regina had _tried _dealing with the evil Snow. It tended to get her in trouble. She might as well have tried to kill Mary-Margaret again; she was right back where she started. Alone, mistrusted—she felt sure everyone was gossiping over whether she'd 'turned evil' again. Like it was just a setting you chose on your phone. Not being alone and hurt and… foolish. All her fault for being so foolish, not remembering Marian, getting into that idiotic escapade with Robin in the first place, believing everyone telling her to seize her happiness and be a hero now and WHY, why couldn't they just leave her alone? That would be best for everyone. If they just left her alone. But no—they needed her to use magic and be the Evil Queen and ever so occasionally be a mother to Henry. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid—

"Hi, you order a pizza?"

Regina's head jerked up. What in the name of Chernobog...

"Yeah, that'll be me," Regina heard Emma say on the other side of the door. "What's the damage?"

"Nineteen ninety-four."

"Here you go, kid. Keep the change."

"Thanks. You heroes always give the best tips."

Regina was up and throwing the door open before she could think better of it. A pizza boy was in retreat with a hotbag; Emma was holding an open pizza box.

"_You ordered a pizza?_"

Emma shut the pizza box slightly. "I actually came here on an empty stomach and I didn't think you were going to brood so long, but I was kinda committed to waiting for you… it's been half an hour, Gina." She opened the box toward Regina. "I'm willing to share?"

"Willing to share? It's a large pizza, Emma. Were you seriously considering eating a whole pizza by yourself?"

"Well, it's not an _extra-_large…"

Regina gave in. A minute later, they were in her kitchen, the pizza on the island, Regina supplying them with paper plates and napkins. Emma was actually a little impressed by how quickly Regina turned the place into a dinner party. She lit candles. With her mind, true, but _candles._

"Alright, Emma." Regina looked somewhat less intimidating with a paper plate of Dragon's Pizza in her hand. "What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone? Pinky swear I won't turn evil?"

"I'm not worried about you being evil. I'm worried about you being unhappy."

That took Regina aback. She felt irritated by it—Emma innocently eating her slice while her words stuck in Regina's brain, as ever-present as a cut on the roof of her mouth. "What if I told you that I'd spent the whole day planning how to eliminate Marian without it being traced back to me?"

Emma laughed, her mouth full. _Idiot. _"I'd tell you that I did the same thing back when I told Gail Brady that I really liked Arthur Bering, then she kissed him at the school dance…" Emma looked off into the distance. _Brooding. _"Coulda used some magical powers then…"

"When was this? Elementary school?"

"Yeah. He had a ten-speed bike…"

"Isn't that a while to hold a grudge?"

Emma glanced at Regina, smirking again. "_Really?"_

"Would you like some feta cheese or red pepper?"

"I'd love some."

Regina went to the proper cupboard. "Alright. You have some brain-damaged notion of faith in my goodness as a person…"

"Regina Mills, knowing how to take a compliment," Emma said under her breath.

Regina tossed her the can of pepper, mildly satisfied that Emma managed to catch it with her magic. "How do you propose to make me happy? Phenomenal cosmic power, the defeat of all my enemies, and my _soulmate _haven't managed it. So what's your suggestion? Buying discounted candy the day after Halloween?"

"Get serious, Gina—it's the middle of winter. No, Regina, listen to me—listen to me after I take a bite of this pizza, it's getting cold." She took a bite. "Damn, this is good pizza."

Regina reluctantly followed suit. It was best warm, even if she rather hated herself for eating pizza with Emma Swan in the middle of the day.

"Okay. Listen to me. I've watched a lot of romance movies. My Favorite Wife—the wife came back, what are you going to do? You're screwed. It happens all the time. Julia Roberts can't swing a cat without stealing Dylan McDermott from some guy…"

"You mean Dermot Mulroney."

"Oh, like there's a difference. So you're not the star of the movie. You're the other girl. Happens to Ralph Bellamy all the time. But here's the thing. There are two types of other girls. There are the ones who are total bitches, so the audience cheers when they lose their man and they get some sort of awful comeuppance—and then there are the ones who are nice, and let Tom Hanks go so he can be with Meg Ryan, and the audience doesn't want to see them unhappy when they're so nice, so some other guy, who's also really cute and really nice and has bangs and wears denim—other 90s stuff—he comes up and he loves the crap outta them! Don't get hung up on your Dermot Mulroney, Regina. Your Dylan McDermott is still out there."

"You want me to start…" Regina froze on the word. "_Dating?"_

"You have good looks, power—the single mother thing is a bummer, but Henry has like a million family members you can pawn him off on. You're a catch, Gina."

"I'm also personally responsible for tormenting the entire town. Repeatedly." Regina tossed her crust on the pizza box.

"I think you're underestimating how thirsty guys can be. And hey, tormenting, some guys are into that!"

Regina sighed. "If I say yes, will you leave before your pirate comes here looking for you?"

"Yes!" Emma looked as enthused as a cynical bitch of a bounty hunter could be. "Don't worry about a thing, I will take care of everything."

"Now you want to set me up on a blind date?"

"Well, as blind as a date can be when you've known everyone in town for over thirty years." Emma punched Regina's arm. "You're not going to regret this, Gina."

"I already regret it. And shouldn't you be looking for your ice sorceress?"

"Eh, that can wait." Emma gathered up her things. "One day, Regina. You take Henry out for ice cream, have some fun together, and I will _handle _this."

"Emma?"

"Yeah?"

"Leave the pizza."


End file.
